note about entries from May 2005

These are all just d-links for blind readers. Descriptions of movies and images that appear in real posts. I hadn't actually started having a blog in May 2005. But I don't know how to make d-link things appear not in their own entries. If someone is smart at web accessibility and has a better idea, tell me all about it!

lyrics for Frank Zappa's "Montana"

I might be movin' to Montana soon
Just to raise me up a crop of dental floss
Raisin' it up
Waxin' it down
In a little white box
I can sell uptown
But by myself I wouldn't have no boss,
Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely dental floss
(Raisin' my lonely dental floss)
Yes it is
(Raisin' my lonely dental floss)

Well I just might grow me some bees
But I'd leave the sweet stuff
For somebody else...
ah, but then, on the other hand
I would keep the wax
And melt it down;
Pluck the floss,
and swish it around
And I would have me a crop
And it'd be on top
That's why I'm movin' to Montana.

Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a dental floss tycoon
Movin' to Montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
(I wonder what that means)

I'm gonna find me a horse
Just about this big
And ride that sucker all along the border line
With a pair of heavy-duty
Zircon-encrusted tweezers in my hand
Every other wrangler would say
I was mighty grand
But by myself I wouldn't
Have no boss
Cause I'd be raisin' my lonely dental floss
(Raisin' my lonely dental floss)
That's right
(Raisin' my lonely dental floss)

Well I might ride along the border
With my tweezers gleamin'
In the moon-lighty night
And then I would get a cuppa coffee
And give my foot a push
Just me 'n the pymgy pony
Over the dental floss bush
And then I might just
jump back on
And ride like a cowboy
Into the dawn to Montana

Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippee ty o ty ay)
Movin' to Montana soon
(Yippee ty o ty ay)

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description for photo in "This is where the term "political spectrum" is originally from"

Photograph of the DC City Council from Council Period 17 (2007-2008), in Council Chambers. There are men and women of various sizes and colors; all of the suits, shoes, and some shirts/jewelrey have been photoshopped so that the colors match the listed color names.

Standing in the back row are:
"Vincent Periwinkle" is a short, plump white man in a light blue jacket and bow tie [Jim Graham];
"Vincent Plum" is a tall black woman in a purple suit [Muriel Bowser];
"Vincent Pewter" is a tall black man in an dark gray suit [Harry Thomas Jr];
"Vincent Blue" is a tall white man with white hair in a bright blue suit [Tommy Wells];
"Vincent Red" is a medium-height black woman in a red suit [Yvette Alexander];
"Vincent Marionberry" is a dark-skinned black man in a dark purple suit [Marion Barry];
"Vincent "Michael" Brown" is a bald white man with a mustache in a brown suit [Phil Mendelson];
"Vincent Mustard" is a small white woman in a yellow suit [Mary M. Cheh].

Seated in front of them are:
"Vincent Black" is a young bald man with lightish skin wearing a black suit [David Catania];
"Vincent Kelly" is a plump white woman with dark brown hair wearing a green suit [Carol Schwartz];
"Vincent Gray" is a light-skinned black man with a mustache wearing a gray suit [Vincent C. Gray];
"Vincent Navy" is a blonde-haired white man wearing a navy blue suit [Jack Evans];
"Vincent "Kwame" Brown" is a plump, dark-skinned black man with a mustache wearing a brown suit [Kwame R. Brown].

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description for "almost"

50s-style (or 50s vintage?) drawing of a boy bending over with his right arm across his stomach. Large text says "almost"; smaller text says "Sammy is almost ready for another vodka. He is nearly ready now"

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description for "rockin it contagious"

Video shows an ASL version of the Black Eyed Peas' "Pump It".

Lyrics:

Huh huh haaa
Pump it
Huh huh haaa
And pump it (louder) [4x]

Turn up the radio
Blast your stereo
Right—

Niggers wanna hate on us (who)
Niggers be envious (who)
And I know why they hating on us (why)
Cause our style's so fabulous (what)
I'm be real on us (do)
Nobody got none on us (no)
Girls be all on us, from London back down to the US (S, S)

We rocking it (contagious), monkey business (outrageous)
Just confess, your girl admits that we da shit

F-R-E-S-H we (fresh)
D-E-F, that's right we def (rock)
We definite B-E-P, we rapping it
So, turn it up (turn it up) [2x]
Turn it up
Common baby, just

Pump it (louder) [6x]

And say, oh oh oh oh
Say, oh oh oh oh
(Yo yo)

Turn up the radio
Blast your stereo
Right now
This joint is fizzlin
It's sizzlin
Right

(Yo, check this out right here)
Dude wanna hate on us (dude)
Dude need to ease on up (dude)
Dude wanna act on up
But dude get shut like flavor shut (shut down)
Chicks say, she ain't down
But chick backstage when we in town (ha)
She like man on drunk (fool)
She wanna hit n' run (err)
Yeah, that's the speed
That's what we do
That's who we be
B-L-A-C-K -E-Y-E-D -P to the E, then the A to the S
When we play you shake your ass
(Shake it shake it) shake it girl
Make sure you don't break it, girl
(Cause we gonna)

Turn it up (turn it up) [2x]
Turn it up
Come'on baby, just
Pump it (louder) [6x]

And say, oh oh oh oh
Say, oh oh oh oh
(Yo yo)

Turn up the radio
Blast your stereo
Right now
This joint is fizzlin
It's sizzlin
Right

Damn!! (damn!!) [5x]

oooooohhh-o-ohhh!!!!!!!!!!!
oh-oh-oh-oh!

Apl. de ap. from Philippines
Live and direct rocking this scene
Breaking on down for the B-boys
And B-girls waiting to do their thing
Pump it, louder come on
Don't stop and keep it goin'
Do it lets get it on
Move it

Come on, baby, do it

La-da-di-da-da-di-die
On the ster(-e-er-e-er-e-)ereo
Let those speakers blow your mind
(Blow my mind, baby)
So let it go, let it go
Here we go
La-da-di-da-da-di-die (come on, we're there)
On the radi(-adi-adi-adi-)o
This systems got me feel so fi(-ei-ei-ei-ei-ei-ei-ei-)ne

Pump it (louder) [6x]

And say, oh oh oh oh
Say, oh oh oh oh
(Yo, yo)
Turn up the radio
Blast your stereo
Right now
This joint is fizzlin
It's sizzlin
Right

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description for video in "creepy/fascinating"

Video called "Rabbit" by artist Run Wrake.

This is an animated short film based on drawings that are reminiscent of 50s-era readers; most figures in the film appear with courier-font labels hovering near them throughout.

imdb summary:

A girl sees a rabbit running across a field. Thinking it would make an excellent muff, she pursues it with a knife. It escapes her, but her brother kills it. She slices it open, and out pops an animated idol that, when bothered by insects, turns them into feathers, bottles of ink, and jewels. Thinking of the riches of royalty, the boy and girl put the idol outside in a vat of plum jam and proceed to eviscerate various farm animals to draw hundreds of wasps and flies. The idol complies, and soon they've filled a bedroom with boxes of jewels. Off they go to town to trade the feathers and ink for more jam, but while they're gone, the idol is busy. Comeuppance may await.

While the boy and the girl are gone, the idol becomes angry because there is no more jam. It uses a carrot to entice another rabbit, who jumps through the window and becomes several cartoony spirit-rabbits. The idol turns the spirits into a tiger, who catches the tiger and eats it, just as the boy and girl return home. The boy picks up a gun and shoots the tiger, but he is too late- the tiger turns back into a rabbit and all of the jewels, feathers, and ink turn back into insects. The insects crawl over the boy and girl, who die, as the rabbit escapes back into the field. The final scene, with the rabbit running through the grass, is the same scene that opened the film.

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description for picture in "funny to certain people, maybe"

the two drawings are substantially identical.

they are ink drawings, pretty sketchy.

Two chefs in chef hats are standing next to each other.

One chef is holding a plate of some round things. He says "They're theta rolls"
The other chef (holding nothing) says "no they're not"
The first chef says "you wanna step outside and make this an external argument?"

In the first (original drawing, but posted second) version, the first chef's response is "step outside and we'll make this an external argument". Everything else is the same, except for minor details related to the two chefs' clothing, posture, etc.

it's funny if you know some very specific things about some specific linguistic theories. Otherwise, probably, not so much.

description of "signosaur v gorilla"

This is basically an animated comic strip. There are two characters, a cartoon dinosaur vaguely reminiscent of a t-rex, and a sketchy but fairly realistic gorilla. When the characters talk, they do so via thought and/or speech bubbles (there is no sound with the movie)

The dinosaur walks along (left to right; only its legs are animated) for a while, then says "God damn it I hate monkeys" and continues walking.

The shot widens, and the dinosaur approaches a gorilla who enters from the right. Both stop in the middle of the screen. The gorilla says (in sequential speech bubbles):

Gorilla: Oh hey Signosaur
Dinosaur: Grrrrr...
Gorilla: Oh DUDE! Guess what!
Gorilla: I totally just found out I can learn ASL!
Gorilla: Dude, it is so totally awesome!
Dinosaur: Grrrr....
Dinosaur: MONKEYS CANNOT LEARN SIGN LANGUAGE!
Gorilla: Dude, chill out
Gorilla: Just because you don't have opposable thumbs doesn't mean...
Dinosaur: AND STOP CALLING ME "DUDE"!!!
(neither speaks)
Gorilla: I'm a gorilla, not a monkey
(neither speaks, then gorilla turns to leave)
Gorilla: Bye, dude.

The dinosaur is left alone. He pauses, then says "fuckin monkey." The dinosaur begins walking again (this is the same clip from the beginning) and says "God damn it I hate monkeys"

but this time adds (in sequential thought bubbles)

"and gorillas"
"fuckin gorillas"
"with their stupid opposable thumbs"

The dinosaur walks for a moment, and that is the end.

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description for "That is one of his tricks"

There are five images here: each is a scanned page from a sketchbook, and involves both text and pictures that have been cut out of various children's books and glued to the pages. The text has been cut so that the lines read smoothly, with many sentences involving multiple sources. The images are of various elements from all the different source books, but for the most part are not directly related to the text.

Page 1: large, red, lower-case 'a', followed by text: "This is Adam, the first man. He lived in the garden of Eden. God brought every bird and beast to Adam, and Adam game them names."

below this is a large picture of a boy in a straw hat with a basket full of eggs on one arm, an egg in the other hand, and a chicken on a nest. Beside this picture are two text snippets:
"his name is Pete"
"his name is Spot"

below this picture is a picture of a dog, with two more text clippings:
"He does not like to wear clothes. But he likes to wear funny hats."
"That is why I call him Thumper."

Page 2: large red lower-case letter f, next to several pictures of cartoon mice surrounding a cartoon man (mice and man taken from different sources). Below this is a large picture of a bunny rabbit, next to the text (from multiple sources):
"This is baby bunny. He killed a giant, Goliath of Gath. The giant had a stout shield and armor of brass. But David's shield was the name of the Lord, and his weapons were five small mice."

Lower on the page is a picture of a girl on a swing, with glass slippers glued on top and the text "A little girl was coming out of the house next door. And on her feet were tiny glass slippers!"

At the bottom right corner of the page is a cut-off image of a fish, with the text "This pleased Baby Bunny, and he spent three days in the belly of a great fish."

Page 3: text "Bobby finds one on the fruit stand" next to a picture of a red apple.

Underneath this is a large picture of a baby sitting on the grass with a towel wrapped around it. Below this is the text:
"Joseph cooked and baked. She cleaned and scrubbed. She had no time left for parties and fun. His jealous brothers sold him into slavery. Yet because the spirit of God was in his heart, He is learning to jump over a stick. he became ruler over all Egypt."

and below this, more text: "That was all the Duke needed."

Page 4: the top of the page is a large page from the Disney book of Cinderella, featuring crying Cinderella sitting in the garden by a bench and the fairy godmother standing nearby. Below this is text:
"Bobby's grandfather tells Bobby stories about when he was Moses. The Lord chose Moses to lead His people from slavery in Egypt to homes in the Promised Land. And on Mount Sinai God never left her side, all evening long. They danced every dance. They had supper side by side. And they happily smiled into each other's Commandments"

Page 5: In the upper right corner is a cartoonish boy with dark skin and dark brown curly hair, wearing a backpack and waving. Next to this is text:
"This is Saul, a fine young man and handsome, head and shoulders taller than any other man. One day Saul went to Samuel for help. When Samuel saw him coming, the fairy godmother turned a fat pumpkin into a chariot of fire. That is one of his tricks"

Midway down the page are pictures of a gray pumpkin on the left and an orange chariot drawn by yellow horses on the right. Between these are the words:
""Salaga doola,
Menchicka boola,
Bibbity bobbety boo!" she cried."

Bottom right, under the picture of the chariot, says "Saul cried. He would not wash his face. He pouted and fussed, and finally he issued a decree. But no one would listen. So the city fell. And the children were marched away as captives to Babylon."

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description for "Valentine's Day"

Scrawly second-grade-style handwriting says

Dear Marina if you have another
Valentine's then that's O.K. I just
want to be your Love, and [illegible] don't worry about
that. Yeah so me and Julia are leaving to Hawaii so
by now I miss you.

a figure with wings and what might be a loincloth or might be tighty-whities is hovering above some clouds. He holds a bow and has an arrow sticking out from (a quiver on?) his back. A speech bubble says "be pashunt and think"

Clouds below contain the phrase "I [heart] you"

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description of "kids these days"

This is a very poor-quality video taken from someone's cell phone at a high school football game. The only thing you can see is a sort of Caucasian-flesh-colored blur running across the field. The only sound is people screaming "whooo hooo!"

I realize that this is not a very explicit description, but that's on purpose to avoid googlability for the entry. If you want to know more details email me.

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description for "accessibility"

This is a link that I think stopped working at some point, to a French commercial about accessible spaces. I don't have any idea what the sound is (was) like, but it's a series of situations where the idea of "accessibility" is turned on its head- a lone person on foot is inconvenienced by all the ramps and low wheelchair-accessible phone booths; kids in wheelchairs make fun of a guy who is not in a wheelchair, a sighted person is unable to read any of the books in the library because they're all in Braille only, etc. If I find the video again I'll put a better description up.

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description for "A short story..."

Six photographs of me with text superimposed.

1. I am looking at a book with my hand very thoughtfully on my chin. Text: "Cecily pretends"
2. I am making a despondent face and slouching. Text: "Cecily feels"
3. I am leaning over a computer and a book with a pen in my hand, as though writing. But there is no paper and the pen is a pink marker. Text: "Cecily pretends"
4. I am posed with my hands on the keyboard as though typing. Text: "Cecily pretends"
5. I am squinting in a pained manner and pushing my hair back over my forehead. Text: "Cecily feels"
6. I am lying in bed with my eyes closed and my glasses in my hand. Text: "Cecily wants"


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description for "moving on to more important things"

This post involves the invitation to a party at my house. The first image is the front of the invitation and the second image is the inside view.

Front: Three boys are at a counter in some kind of science lab, looking at microscopes. They each have a speech bubble.

Boy 1: I love science.
Boy 2: I love beer.
Boy 3: I know where we can all have fun!

Inside (left):
large red letters say "yes". Black letters say "it is time for a Science Party at Alyssa and Cecily's house!
a diagram of an octopus is in the middle of the page. At the bottom of the page is a picture of a woman looking into some kind of large, scientific contraption while a man in horn-rimmed glasses looks on. The woman is saying "I can see the science! And the beer!"

Inside (right):
A color photograph of test tubes with red, blue and green liquid in them is in the upper right corner. A diagram of something complicated is in the middle of the page. Text reads

"Saturday, April Fifteenth*
SCIENCE and beverages provided.
You bring the fun.
*Science time is 9

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description of "pride and prejudice"

This is a three-panel comic strip, Get Your War On by David Rees. The first and third panel picture a dark-haired man sitting next to a computer and talking on the phone. The second panel features a blond man with some paperwork in front of him, also on the phone.

Dark-haired man: What do you think of the White House's constitutional analysis? Did it convince you the NSA wiretaps are legal? Or were you maybe too busy wiping up Thomas Jefferson's ghost-vomit to notice?

Blond man: Here's George Bush's constitutional analysis: "I don't understand the fuckin' thing, so why should I obey it? It's written in some kind of loop-de-loop old-timey scribble-language anyway."

Dark-haired man: Oh, I think he understands the Constitution, all right. It's the pre-9/11 nail he hangs his Mr. Super President cape on.

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